I've been dreading writing this blog post. I'm doing it because Scarlet deserves it. It was one of the most difficult decisions we've ever had to make. It's hard to believe that just a few short weeks before we had to say goodbye, I was making plans with our neighbors for them to check in on her while we were out of town for spring break.
It was getting really difficult for Scarlet to get around; she would struggle getting out of her bed and walking on the slippery new flooring. I felt remorse for having new flooring installed. She had a much easier time getting around when it was all carpet. However, she was also throwing up a lot on the carpet. Getting rid of the carpet had to be done, but I really think it made Scarlet's mobility go downhill a lot faster than it would have naturally. We even put rugs and yoga mats around to help her walk. Danny had been traveling for work in early March and we were texting back and forth about how she was doing. Although it would be hard, Danny was explaining to me that putting Scarlet to sleep would be the best thing for her. Not long before he left to go out of town, he was working from home and Scarlet had gotten sick on her bed and she had also fallen while she was going to the bathroom and she had to be washed off. He felt she was miserable and embarrassed. And she probably was. She just wasn't living a fun life anymore. She was either sleeping or having a hard time walking around. She would slip when trying to walk - almost like she was on ice. Most of the time she would get going and have an easier time. And some days were better than others. But she got to the point where she couldn't go up or down the stairs on her own anymore. We also had to put a strap or a towel around her waist to help her go outside. We started having to crate her while we were gone. There was a day when Cadence got home from school and Scarlet had been struggling, for what seemed like hours, to stand up. She had walked over to the stairs in the foyer (we had been blocking off the stairs with a chair and a baby gate that didn't fit in the space). I think she started to go upstairs, but then couldn't turn around, and just fell. She couldn't get back up and there was hair, blood, and scratches on the woodwork. It was really pitiful. I felt horrible for her, and for Cadence. After that, we'd put her in her crate while we were gone. I don't think she really liked that either. She just wasn't living the life that a dog should live.
We got to the point where it was the beginning of spring break. We were home, and it was clear that I was not going to be able to take care of Scarlet by myself when Danny had to go out of town the following week. She wasn't getting better, only worse. I called the vet's office that Monday and found out that our vet was on vacation until that Friday. I made Scarlet's final vet appointment for that Friday. It was difficult to get the words out talking to the receptionist over the phone, but she was very professional and helpful with the process. I actually had to call a few times - wondering if this was the right thing to do; the right time to do it. The entire reason we went back to Green Meadows Veterinary Hospital is because we wanted Dr. Badami with us when it was time to say goodbye. She was Scarlet's first vet and we really admired her as a person and how she treated Scarlet.
It was so hard having to tell the kids that we made the decision to say goodbye to Scarlet. Of course they were very sad, but I think deep down, they understood. It had been years since Scarlet had been an active pup. I don't think either of our kids really remember what she was really like when she was active. They don't remember playing fetch, taking her for walks, taking her to the lake and the dog park. Heck, she hadn't chewed on a dog bone for ages. I know pictures and videos help jog their memory and I'm glad we have those to look back on.
We decided that Danny and I would take her. Cadence wanted to stay home. Colin would go to Adrian's house to play (his parents offered that as a distraction for Colin). Mom and Dad were in RI, so we didn't have a lot of choices. Both kids said they did not want to be there during Scarlet's final moments. I didn't think it was a good idea for them to be there, but we had to let them decide that on their own. The drive to the vet's office was awful. It was just so sad. The receptionist had told me to call when we arrived so the room would be prepared. On our way in, I told Danny to let Scarlet sniff around when she did her business...it would be the last time she would be able to do that. I can't remember if Scarlet walked or if Danny picked her up to go into the office. I remember that we went right into an exam room. They had put several fleece blankets on the floor as a sort of makeshift bed. They let us spend as much time as we wanted with her to say goodbye.
I just remember petting her. And putting my head against her head. And rubbing her ears. And playing with the little pocket on her ears. And giving her lots of kisses. And telling her we loved her. And telling her we'd miss her. The saddest part is she had no idea why we were there. I suppose that is a good thing. Ugh. It just really sucked having to say goodbye to a member of our family. I try to look at the bright side of the whole awful situation. We got to say goodbye. She wasn't in excruciating pain (at least she didn't let us know that). We were together with her, peacefully - it was kind of full circle, if you will. It was just the three of us when we started our little family.
Dr. Badami made sure we were ready when she came back into the room. We were never really ready, but we knew it was time. Dr. Badami made us feel like we were making the right decision. She didn't question us at all. She was very calm and explained every step of the process. She made us feel at ease. I just cried the whole time and made sure Scarlet was comfortable while we pet her and loved on her. After she was gone, Dr. Badami left the room and we spent some final moments with Scarlet. I hated that we were leaving without her. It just felt so wrong.
The kids handled it better than I thought they would. They didn't really ask many questions. I know they didn't want to talk or think about what had happened. I don't blame them. I think Cadence just forced herself to not think about it. She didn't want to get upset. Colin, on the other hand, would occasionally get upset. He'd see her pictures or the special pillow Erica had made for them and he would get sad and he would miss her all over again. I've been okay. At first it was really strange not having her around. I caught myself several times wanting to greet her when we got home. Colin and I chuckled one night as we both realized we were dodging drool on the kitchen floor near the pantry that wasn't there. It felt funny not putting the leftover water from the kids' water bottles into her dog bowl. This was the first spring that we didn't have an itchy dog - so bizarre. I almost don't know what to do with empty peanut butter jars anymore; they were Scarlet's favorite.
I've enjoyed talking about and remembering all the fun times we had with her - and all the frustrating times. Like when we first got her home and she went from this calm pup to a crazy girl who barked at us and nipped at our toes. We finally learned that a shock collar and long walks in the evening would turn her around. She really was the best dog. We're afraid to get another dog. What if it barks all the time? What if it chews up everything we own. What if it hates the crate? We've had fun talking about the trips to the dog park and the lake. We've laughed at the home videos where she's howling at the harmonica or jumping and running through our old living room while destroying a diaper box. One of my favorite videos ever is Scarlet making Cadence giggle when she was tugging at her tail. Cadence's first word was puppy and I'm pretty sure she learned to crawl by using Scarlet to trudge over. The kids really adored her and for the longest time, she was the first one they greeted when they woke up in the morning.
It's been an adjustment not having our four-legged family member around. It's kind of sad to think about how quickly we were able to adjust to our new normal. I think being busy with sports helped that transition. We received a garden stone and a pretty sign to display Scarlet's picture as gifts. Her urn adorned with our favorite Scarlet picture sits on a shelf in our living room. We have pictures of her around the house as sweet reminders of our favorite pup that we'll never be able to replace.
On Scarlet's last night with us, we let her lick all of the leftover peanut butter jars we had on hand. We also spoiled her with other favorite treats.
I don't really like these pictures of her - to me, she seems so sad. Maybe that's just because we were so sad. But these pictures will help us to remember our beloved pup.
Colin was sure to dote on Scarlet. Cadence kind of kept her distance. Both kids dealt with Scarlet's last days in their own ways.
Erica got both kids a pillow of Scarlet to snuggle. It was a very thoughtful gift.
I found Colin like this one night after putting him to bed. He had been missing Scarlet and was upset at bedtime. 😔
Mike and Gina had this drawing made by a local artist. He drew it without picking up the pen once - it's one continuous line. The resemblance is uncanny. Such talent.
Since I like to wrap up blog posts with a Scarlet picture, here are some of my favorites that I saved from old posts - this is how I like to remember Scarlet.
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